Those who smoke and those who stay behind

Dear reader,

It’s happened again. Someone’s head just poked through the doorway, a cigarette stuck to their lips: “Are you coming out for a smoke?” Two minutes later, my colleagues are enjoying a puff in the garden downstairs while I once again find myself alone at my desk, ruminating over the strange feeling of FOMO I get each time this happens. I’ve never smoked, I never will, nor do I want to give you any bad ideas… But I have to admit, there’s something appealing about smokers, namely their way of bonding and always managing to come together.

Within a week of joining a new company, a smoker will typically be on first-name basis with half their colleagues and maybe even know a thing or two about their manager’s favourite hobby – while the non-smoker will still be struggling to find someone to sit next to at the canteen. To me, their addiction seems to effortlessly transcend social and professional boundaries.

In 1973, sociologist Mark Granovetter published what turned out to be an influential paper, titled “The Strength of Weak Ties”. In it, he distinguishes between the strong ties which connect friends and loved ones from the weak ties which connect us to mere acquaintances. His thesis is simple, but counterintuitive at first glance: weak ties are stronger than strong ties, he argues, in that they allow us to go further, access social spaces further removed from us, as well as different information.

If you’re looking for a job, for example, you’re better off asking among your wider network of more distant acquaintances, in order to access different and more interesting opportunities. Why? Because in all likelihood, even if your close friends are more keen to help you, they probably gravitate in the same social circle as you and have access to more or less the same information. Those distant acquaintances, on the other hand, will likely be close to other people who might have heard of different or more interesting job offers.

‘On a cigarette break, you’re more likely to end up chatting with someone you’d have never gotten to know otherwise’

The same goes in the workplace. When you take a coffee break – or tea, or matcha latte, or a snack, if you prefer – you tend to congregate with colleagues you’re already close to. The ensuing conversation can feel a bit stagnant, because you’re already aware of this bit of gossip or that problem so-and-so has. Whereas on a cigarette break, you’re more likely to end up chatting with someone you’d have never gotten to know otherwise. You haven’t spent sleepless nights working with them on presentations, but they may happen to be an employee representative and have insider knowledge of the company’s plans for a general pay rise; or they might happen to know that so-and-so in the office has a crush on you… These weak but crucial ties are “bridges” to new worlds.

Of course, smokers can become friends too, and a weak tie can turn into a strong one. According to Granovetter, the quality of an interpersonal connection depends on four criteria: how much time you spend together, emotional intensity, intimacy – understood as a form of mutual trust –, and finally, favours rendered. The more two people smoke together, lend each other lighters, and exchange gossip, the closer they become.

And then there’s something about cigarette breaks which seems conducive to intimacy: excluded from the heart of the company, forced to find shelter together in the most inclement weather, smokers are bound by a shared experience. Far from the open plan workplace and the boss’ office – i.e. safe from eavesdropping –, it must be a lot easier to get things off one’s chest.

It’s also easier to confide in each other, because the cigarette appeases the smoker (even if it’s merely alleviating the very withdrawal symptom it creates); whereas the traditional coffee has a stimulating effect, and serves to make us want to get back to work and exert ourselves even more.

But upon closer look, I realise that it’s not so much the cigarette itself that opens new doors as a certain mentality which tends to go with it. Because whereas some create a tight-knit group of co-smokers, others happily go out for a fag whenever they feel like it and join whomever happens to be outside already.

So why can’t non-smokers also meet new people? There’s no need to organise table tennis sessions; we could simply pay more attention to the people we come across. If a colleague you hardly know lets off a big sigh whilst heating her lunch in the microwave, you could ask her what’s up; if there’s a queue in front of the coffee machine, you could use the opportunity to start a conversation. Who knows, you might make interesting new friends.

Mariette Thom

Picture © Devin Avery / Unsplash